Superman was an evil alchemist!

What makes America great :

• Wearing coon skin hats , using blunderbusses .
• Asking what the founding fathers would do and then not doing it .
• Doing dental work with pliers . Having dental work with pliers done by Zachariah Flim-Flam .
• Having at least one male citizen named Zachariah Flim Flam .
• Using outhouses.
• Using privies .
• Using the word "privy" .
• Using laces versus vel-cro .
• Analog watches . Period.
• Using abaci.
• Using the word "abaci".
• Pluralizing words unnecessarily.
• Hating china ( the dishes and the country ) .
• Tie - dye .
• Saying "America : love it or leave it " at least 48 times a day . One for each of the contiguous states.
• Mobile homes . Period.
• People named Cooter .
• High per - capita tornado rate ( otherwise known as extra wrath from God ) .
• Being facetious .
• Hating all presidents except : George Washington , Abe Lincoln, and JFK .
• Calling Bush "shrub" .
• Twinkies , baloney , american cheese , cheez wiz .
• Oddly - shaped - headed puppet characters (Bert, Ernie, Kermit, Barney).
• Sleeping on foam mattresses .
• Having tiles on your kitchen floor .
• Yelling "Yeeha!" at random times with no objection from onlookers.
• Speaking gibberish in something that sounds like a foreign language.
• Mocking foreigners.