At Left: Ester of Wood Rosin shown before her disappearance in 1965 with her cat, Chim Chim.
Two sister from the small town of Wood Rosin, FL were found in a bottle of Gatorade this Friday. Officials were surprised to find that Ester and Mabel were not only in the one bottle, but in every bottle of Gatorade on the market, and were, indeed, crucial to the making of the sports drink.
"Turns out, the essence of these two ladies is what gives Gatorade it's kick. And that explains why they've been missing for so many years." Said Wood Rosin Deputy Sherrif, Clive Barker. He noted that the case had remained unsolved since 1965, the year the two women disappeared and, coincidentally, the year that Gatorade was first formulated.
Known as particularly domineering women while alive, it was another strange coincidence to find that the essence of Ester and Mabel was known to cause testicular shrinkage.
Gatorade had not commented by the time of this publication, but sources say that the supply of Mabel of Wood Rosin had been all but used up and the company was now only listing Ester in the Ingredients.
"Not sure why we couldn't guess what had happened since the lady was listed right there on the label in the ingredients. But she sure is tasty." Said Barker, sipping a bottle of Gatorade X-Factor Lemon Lime.
In other news, the universe was found to be broken, according to a report released Thursday by NASA physicists.
"Yeah, I called my cousin Chuck to go up there and fix it this weekend. He's a decent carpenter and he used to do some roofing, so it'll get fixed," said NASA Chief of Theoretical Anomalies, Tom Huxley. "He said he could do it for cheap."
NASA expects the universe to be up and functioning properly in probably a week or two as Chuck works days doing landscaping.
At Right: A digital image produced by NASA of the malfunctioning universe.
