Action figures and Random Utterances

What if...

God/Jesus/Holy Spirit were an action crime-fighting force? They would be like Voltron, only one person, able to morph into one form or another at will in order to best fight crime.

God form:

• Color: Green (like the Incredible Hulk and Ralph Nader)
• Super Powers: Super Strength, Tireless ability to only answer unimportant prayers - (i.e. "Dear God , please let there be toilet paper in this bathroom."), Ability to weave stylish K-Mart tank tops with out the aid of a loom .

Jesus form:

• Color: Orange, like the human torch, but with a beard.
• Super Power: Fire breathing, The somewhat mundane ability to make tumble weeds travel against the wind, power of solving crossword puzzles very quickly, usually without cheating .

Holy Ghost form:

• Color: Multi-colored like the aurora borealis.
• Super Power: Teleport, Ability to make action figures levitate, Super Speed Reading .

So when fighting a crime boss in downtown Gotham City, They would come on the scene and would summon the Holy Ghost form to teleport behind the bad guy, then summon Jesus form to breathe fire to melt the diabolical machine the criminal had made to rob the bank, then transform to God form to tear open the side of the machine and take out the criminal. The crowds would totally cheer for Them. In Their off time, Holy Ghost would just read a lot, Jesus would spend all his time practicing crosswords, and God would weave tank-tops. Even Gods need hobbies, right?

Question:

• Do wisdom teeth make us wise or just make or teeth crooked ?
• Is Coors really the best beer in the world or just an off-handed comment by that drunk guy I just met?


• Why , in God's name, have we not made a series of famous historical assasins and their victims action figures? Lincoln and John Wilkes Booth--JFK and Lee Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby--That girl in Chappaquiddick and Ted Kennedy--Ceasar and Brutus--Tom and Jerry
• Does reading a magazine like the Alibi really get you off the hook if you kill someone?
• Does wearing jewelery made out of utensils give you good luck?
• If you laugh, does the world really laugh with you, or just at you, idiot?
• Does free manure smell any better just because it's free?
• Does mocking people make you a comic genius with hidden depths?

Good alternatives to the name "Slim"Pickens :

1. Portly Pickens
2. Chubby Pickens
3. Plump Pickens
4. Fatty Pickens
5. Fats Pickens
6. Fat Pickens
7. Turd

Apocalyptic supposition of the week :

That painting of a creepy green monkey that we just saw is probably a good sign that the world will end sometime next thursday .

- " My face hurts... "

-...................................

-"... say it , I dare you!"