A main part of the political platform of the Strange Cal Stankovich party is a strong advocacy of generous tax breaks for those of our citizens who are brave enough to sport mullets. Say, a $50,000 rebate? Truly the lion's mane of human haircuts, the mullet is not only a symbol of independent thinking and maturity, but it also stands for the basic attitude of the American people: business in the front, party in the back. We shall have to standardize the back-to-front hair length ratio in order for this tax break to be administered fairly. I hereby call for a 2-to-5 front to back length ratio!
Let it hence forth be known that the Strange Cal Stankovich party advocates the 2-to-5 ratio!
Another part of the platform will be that anyone who wants--or even suggests that they want--to regulate what cows eat for emissions control shall be shot out of a circus cannon...into a pool of pirhana carcasses. Since this might be a bit hard to get a hold of at any given time, any fish will do. Or just some slaughterhouse waste of any kind.
On a similar note, we will support tax rebates for people who eat beans more than once a week.
Also, survivor benefits will only be paid to relatives of people who were killed by maniacs with a large candy cane, either real or synthetic. Use of any other weapon in the homicide shall result in no compensation. Beware candy-cane killers!
Finally, special tax rebates for all alien-abductees, both rumored and confirmed. It is time we brought the alien abduction problem in the country out into the open. DOWN WITH MARS, UP WITH EARTH! Forget protecting the border. Let's protect our skys. Let's protect those poor hapless yokels who happen to be violated by malicious and oversexed martians. It's not their fault they're so attractive to aliens.
